Sunday, April 17, 2016

What I've Learned From Not Dating

During this past December's Blogmas, I wrote a post on dating, and it was one of the most refreshing posts I've ever written. Probably because being single is something I know a lot (and I mean a lot!) about. Being single has been a blessing in disguise in some ways, and I've learned a lot from not dating. I've watched a lot of friends date and sometimes it was successful, and sometimes it wasn't. Here's my top takeaways:

There is nothing wrong with being alone. It doesn't make you weird. It doesn't mean people don't like you. It doesn't mean you'll always be alone. I see people sometimes that think they always have to be in a relationship. They hop from one relationship to another, because they're terrified of being alone. Seeing this makes me so sad, because I wish people would realize the value of being alone. You need to experience it at least once in your life, because if you can't handle being alone with yourself, then you're probably not very confident in who you are.

Don't ever date guys that don't respect you. I've seen it time and time again. Girls have standards and values and expectations, but they get tired of waiting for the right guy, so they settle. Sometimes you may not even see the disrespect right off the bat, because there's different kinds. Bottom line- if a guy doesn't respect your modesty, your wants, your values, your time, your things, your family, your friends- he's not worth it. Don't settle just because you want to be dating. That is not a good reason to be in a relationship.

Sometimes singleness hurts. I'm not going to paint you a picture that singleness is all perfect, because that would be lying. I would say for me, 90% of the time it's great. I'm used to it, but I'm also only human. Sometimes I'll see an adorable couple on a date and wonder when that will be me. Sometimes I'll get lonely and wish I had someone to have a long talk with and watch Netflix. I recommend having a plan for when these times set in, because nothing is worse than wallowing in your self-pity. When this happens for me, I play my Spotify playlist of emotional, romantic songs and I write. Sometimes I journal, sometimes I blog, and sometimes I write letters to my future husband. I've been doing this since I was like thirteen, and it means the world to me. I now have two fat bundles of letters, and sometimes I'll read through them, and it brings so many smiles to my face. It's more of an exercise for me, than for my future husband. It keeps me centered on what I want out of a relationship, and my plans for the future.

Don't force unnatural things to happen. I'm all for putting yourself out there. I love unashamed boldness in relationships. What I'm not for is when people force it. I've seen this happen so many times, and most of the times it doesn't work, or it's just plain awkward. When you try to "accidentally" run into your crush, or you lie about a common interest, or you exaggerate a story to impress someone. I see people try to force chemistry, force relationships, force conversations, and I just want to say- let it happen on it's own. You can't force love.

The last one, is one I feel strongly about, but it may not be something that all girls feel strongly about, and that's okay. Here it is- I want a guy to fight for me, and I'm not willing to settle on that. I'm happy to be the one to introduce myself, to friend him on social media, or send the first text. I'm not going to initiate the first move, or ask him out though. I want a guy that I know in no uncertain terms how he feels about me. I want a guy that respects me, that is honest, that loves me for who I am, and doesn't try to change me. I want a guy that isn't dating me for an ulterior motive. I want a relationship, not a fling or a hang out or a "what are we" situation. I know what I want, and I'm willing to wait for it.

That's it for now friends. Honestly, I love these posts because I think singleness/relationships/dating is something that every college student can relate to, because it's such a big part of our lives right now.

xoxo, em

1 comment:

  1. Great thoughts! Thanks for sharing, girl. I agreed with everything you said.