I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging much lately. Well, to tell you the truth, I've been avoiding my blog. I just needed some time to think and heal. A lot has been going on in my life lately, too much to recap to y'all. There are just so many changes, and well, frankly, I'm not good at changes. There will be time to bring you up to date later, but for now it's time to explain my recent sadness and one of the big reasons that I haven't been blogging.
It's been over two weeks since Cali disappeared... In the beginning I refused to accept that anything had happened to her. For days I was in denial, convinced that she would be home for dinnertime. Dear followers, my heart breaks as I write this because I know that I will never lay eyes on my beloved kitty ever again. Some of you may not be able to understand my sadness over the loss of my first pet, but I hope that most of you can understand. Cali was my baby, the kitty that I gave lots of kisses too, held like a baby, and always said good night to. Cali was a listener when I didn't have anyone to talk to, she was a cuddler when I was feeling down, and when I cried she was always there to curl up next to me and lick away my tears. I still can't talk about her without crying, so you can imagine how difficult it was for me to write this post. I'm slowly dealing with my grief, because I know that it will get easier day by day. I'll be honest with you all. I often cry myself to sleep wishing that I knew what had happened to her. I still hold out a secret hope that she will come bounding into our front yard at any moment. But most importantly I'm struggling, because I still can't let go. Few people know it, but I cry super easily. I hate crying in front of people though, so I do most of my crying in private. Cali's death hit me harder than I imagined, and I'm having trouble sorting through my feelings. I cry for the kitty that I will never hold in my arms again, I cry for the calico that died much too young, I cry because I just want to know what happened to her. One of the hardest parts for me was watching how sad and lonely our other cat, Chloe became. For a while she acted like she was actually depressed, but she has now improved quite a bit. I know that she noticed Cali's absence and I was a bit suprised by how much she seems to miss her.
I made this collage for her first birthday in May. The picture on the left shows her just days after we got her. She was barely 2 lbs. and was the most precious kitten ever.
Dear followers, if you read this all of the way through, then I have to say thank you. I know that this was a super long, emotional post, but I felt that I was finally ready to spill my heart out to all of you...