Sunday, October 7, 2012

Forever in My Heart

Hello loves,
I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging much lately. Well, to tell you the truth, I've been avoiding my blog. I just needed some time to think and heal. A lot has been going on in my life lately, too much to recap to y'all. There are just so many changes, and well, frankly, I'm not good at changes. There will be time to bring you up to date later, but for now it's time to explain my recent sadness and one of the big reasons that I haven't been blogging.

It's been over two weeks since Cali disappeared... In the beginning I refused to accept that anything had happened to her. For days I was in denial, convinced that she would be home for dinnertime. Dear followers, my heart breaks as I write this because I know that I will never lay eyes on my beloved kitty ever again. Some of you may not be able to understand my sadness over the loss of my first pet, but I hope that most of you can understand. Cali was my baby, the kitty that I gave lots of kisses too, held like a baby, and always said good night to. Cali was a listener when I didn't have anyone to talk to, she was a cuddler when I was feeling down, and when I cried she was always there to curl up next to me and lick away my tears. I still can't talk about her without crying, so you can imagine how difficult it was for me to write this post. I'm slowly dealing with my grief, because I know that it will get easier day by day. I'll be honest with you all. I often cry myself to sleep wishing that I knew what had happened to her. I still hold out a secret hope that she will come bounding into our front yard at any moment. But most importantly I'm struggling, because I still can't let go. Few people know it, but I cry super easily. I hate crying in front of people though, so I do most of my crying in private. Cali's death hit me harder than I imagined, and I'm having trouble sorting through my feelings. I cry for the kitty that I will never hold in my arms again, I cry for the calico that died much too young, I cry because I just want to know what happened to her. One of the hardest parts for me was watching how sad and lonely our other cat, Chloe became. For a while she acted like she was actually depressed, but she has now improved quite a bit. I know that she noticed Cali's absence and I was a bit suprised by how much she seems to miss her.

I made this collage for her first birthday in May. The picture on the left shows her just days after we got her. She was barely 2 lbs. and was the most precious kitten ever.

 Typical. Cali loved to nap on my bed. :)

 I'm sure every pet owner thinks this, but I always found her the most adorable when she was asleep.


 This was from the time that Cali decided to crawl between my sheets for a little nap. I pulled back the covers, and this is what I saw...

 Cali in her element. She loved the outdoors with all of her heart and whenever she went off exploring her tail would go straight up and wave back and forth. :)

 This was the day that Cali fell asleep on my bed and literally slept for 6 hours.

 These last three pictures are the very last photos I have of Cali, and I know that I will cherish them forever.

Would you believe that this is the only picture that I ever got of Cali & Chloe?!

Dear followers, if you read this all of the way through, then I have to say thank you. I know that this was a super long, emotional post, but I felt that I was finally ready to spill my heart out to all of you...

Cali~ I will never understand why things ended the way they did or why God brought you into my life for such a sort period of time. I'm so glad that you were my kitty for 1 1/2 years though. I cherished every memory, every laugh, every picture, and every "cuddle session" with you. Rest in peace Cali. You will forever hold a part of my heart and I will always miss you. You will never be forgotten.



  1. Oh man, I'm really sorry about Cali! She was a sweet, adorable kitty. Lila lost her cat a while ago, and she still cries for it sometimes at night. I know if something ever happened to Scotty, I could never get over it. It's amazing how attached we get to our pets, they forever hold a part of our heart!

  2. Em. Listen to me.
    I know exactly how you feel about the loss of your first pet. Mine died of an uncureable disease and I watched him take his last breath. It was positively heart wrenching and it left me depressed for days. But what helps me through these kind of things is Ephesians. The "A time for everything" passage in the bible. I encourage you to go read it-pray about it-and talk to me if you need to. I love you girl. I'm with you every step of the way.
    praying for you.
    Much love,

  3. That makes me want to cry. I know exactly how you feel. We had a cat for 4 years. He always cuddled us when we were sad or laid on top of our laps. We moved last March and since he was an outdoor cat we couldn't keep him in. After we let him out he never returned. That was 6 months ago and I'm always hoping he will show, but I know he is gone. I know that I must move on. So don't be afraid to cry. I have just gotten over my loss, it's taking me 6 whole months. So cry all you want. Just know that you gave your cat all she needed, love. And she gave you love too. At least you made 1 1/2 years of her life happy. You will be able to move on. That I can promise.

  4. I am so sorry!! I, having 2 kitties of my own, am able to understand how hard it is for you to go through this. But in the end it will all be okay. :) You aren't wrong to think that maybe some day she come and wander back into your yard, but for now it is best to try and forget that and move on. I know, I know..that is one of the hardest things ever and it won't come easily, but you'll find strength in the Lord and you will be thinking about everything else that is happening other than this pretty soon! She was so beautiful just like you and I believe she was a great cat. I KNOW nothing will ever replace her, but when such things happen to me, I convince my parents to take me to the shelter to look around for a cute kitten to make my own. It isn't a replacement, it is just a new friend, for me that really takes my mind off of the old one. Just how in life friends come and go-then you make new friends.:) If you can'y get another kitty you can always just go to the shelter and hang out with the other kitties maybe once a week, and you'll feel like you have them all as your own! :) You'll come to get over it pretty soon! You're in my prayers! :)

  5. I am so sorry for you. Pet's are just so special to us all. I'm glad you have all these beautiful photos of her to remember her by. In my prayers...xoxo

  6. Love, this makes me tear up! And I know how much you love her just by how much you posted about her on your blog. ♥ Don't be afraid to cry, Em. God knows your pain and your hurt, and His loving arms are wrapped around you. Always know that He is in control, and that when things happen, it's in His perfect plan. God allowed you to love Cali for 1 1/2 years, and I know she was loved. ♥ I'm praying for you darling, and still hoping she will come back to you. Love you. :)

  7. Crying for you.